“This is not a democracy; this is a dictatorship!”  

I don’t know about you, but this is my fraternity president’s favorite saying when he’s two beers deep.  

Wrote this with a 24 rack of tallboys next to me and “Dope Dick” by Rick Ross in the background…so beware. 

Fraternity Presidents suck! Love the guys but not the position…unless your president is a total chach, then sorry that sucks. Why? Well let’s get into it. 

First off, I understand we’re in a pandemic, but the Chinavirus has really opened my eyes into the cruel life of a fraternity president. I don’t know about you, but I would rather vote for creepy Joe before running for president of my house…Probably not though, but I would certainly weigh the odds.  

Fraternity presidents must deal with the most unfraternal things all the time. IFC, University boards, alumni and the CDC these days run the life of presidents across the country. Hopefully your president doesn’t get on his knees within the first few weeks like most. 

Aside from risk management(maybe), the president is the most ridiculed member of a fraternity house. I mean he’s boner killing every step an active member takes. “Hey, I wanna jump off the porch with a mattress under me.” Guaranteed no from a fraternity president. What a loser! The sad fact behind that scenario is that if said person wasn’t president, he would cheer his brother on while he breaks every bone in his body…sad. 

This example acts as a perfect transition into another reason why becoming a fraternity president would blow huge loads. You can’t have any fun whatsoever. Banger tonight? No, it’s sober monitor for me. It’s 1AM, you’re the president of a house, and you find yourself watching a pledge make out with a solid 3 in the corner of your dining hall while your freshman year hookup is chirping in your ear. All the while, you’re trying to break up a drunken slugfest between your pledge brother and a random Pi Kap who walked in with his girlfriend (your pledge brothers’ ex). Sounds sick. 

OR…It’s the complete opposite. Your president is an absolute drunken disaster  

Another obvious fact of presidency is that many of your active brothers (especially those in your own pledge class) don’t give a shit what you say. Do you really think that Cody isn’t going to rage face on finals week? I mean he and half the active chapter are history majors with minors in leadership. A new group of active anarchists are always ready to pounce on a new chapter rule that you so ignorantly passed on Monday’s half full chapter meeting.  

Now it’s important that I don’t speak for every chapter out there with exquisite presidents who could give a shit what you do. It’s a role that I respect, but that takes a certain type of person. It’s the attraction of said position that interests me. Maybe it’s the underlying signs of narcissism or the resume boost…beats me.  

Think twice the next time you enter your name into the presidential ballot. This is all I’m saying. You’ve heard it all before from that one really annoying alumnus that “these are the best 4 years of your life.” Why waste any of them?