The bond between pledge educator and his newly initiated ducklings is one that can’t be replicated anywhere. After seeing his stupid, useless, shit eating pledges grow into useless, stupid, shit eating NIBs, the pledge educator transitions into a mentoring role in the life of his fraternal children. This being said, there is a new tradition that has become a milestone, demonstrating the shifted relationship and mutual respect fostered between older and younger brothers. I’m talking, of course, about the first time you hit your pledge educators vape. 

A pledge educator giving his ducklings alcohol really isn’t that special. If you’re in a “non-hazing fraternity”, your pledge educator probably gave you way too much alcohol over the course of your pledgeship for you to think of it as significant, or for you to be able to stomach the smell of Busch Light ever again. Not after pledge gladiator in the dark. Shudder. The real milestone is when you can look at your pledge educator, give him a shit eating grin, and nail him with “hey bro can I hit your vape?” without having to spend the rest of the evening getting your “character built” on the concrete of a basement floor that hasn’t been cleaned since your dad was an undergrad. Without further ado, here are the ten best responses I’ve ever heard from a pledge educator after a NIB asked to hit his nicotine. 

1.) “My first instinct was to kill you, but upon further reflection, I realize that would probably wouldn’t be very productive. But if you ask me again and there aren’t any witnesses I might take the gamble.” – My dad, my first ever pledge educator. 

2.) “Yeah, sure go for it- wait, oh goddammit didn’t you guys all get mono during hell week? Shit….. I mean, if you guys got it I probably got it with you, might as well just take the L.” – my pledge educator, after mono patient zero in my pledge class took his first rip.

3.) “I thought we hazed you into quitting? Did you learn nothing from this? Was all my hard work in vein?” Overheard in the parking lot of a Hooters between a way too drunk NIB and an unknown pledge educator from a different chapter.

4.) “I’ll give you a rip if you give me fifty cents back because that full house was absolute dogshit. If you river me one more time I’ll cut you.” – former pledge educator of my chapter brother Naps, and my current poker frenemy.

5.) “Yeah, I’ll give you a hit, but only if you nail Brother Baddog in the back of the head with the pong ball.” – my pledge educator, moments before I throw something at his pledge educator and put us both in danger.

6.) “Okay, do your BroEd a favor and don’t tell Baddog I told you to throw that at him. If you survive you can hit the vape the rest of the night. Good luck!” – my pledge educator, moments before a series of events I was too intoxicated and traumatized to remember. 

7.) “Nah bro. Nah. Not tonight- I need this for after sex. Fine, fine… just don’t kill it. Please? Don’t kill the pod- DON’T KILL THE POD!” – my pledge educator, moments before my twin killed the pod.

8.) “You won’t kill the pod like Mack did, will you?” – my pledge educator, moments before I kill the pod like Mack did.

9.) “I don’t care what nationals says – every time you fuckers fiend off me I wish I hazed you guys harder.” – my pledge educator, moments before being put on early alumni status for hazing.

10.) “I’ll give you three hits if you go all in against Brother Naps. He ain’t got shit, dude. He’s capping so hard.” – my pledge educator, moments before I lose twenty dollars to an ace high flush.