****ALLEDGEDLY*******

This morning, Odell Beckham Jr. probably woke up, yawned, opened the curtains and looked around his property with a shit-eating grin, just soaking it all in like Thanos after he snapped half of the universe into dust. Odell then goes into his bathroom, sits down, and hazily scrolls Twitter while dropping a fat Odell turd. This is when shit really hits the fan. Odell realizes he’s being shit on by all of Twitter because he LITERALLY gets shit on by women. Odell starts to panic, pacing around his bathroom, “It’s too late now,” he says “The poops out of the butt, might as well cum clean.” Odell then sees the video of one of the TENS OF THOUSANDS of girls he’s had squat over him and diarrhea discussing it with her friends on a podcast.

The fine young lady goes by the name Slim Danger. You may remember her as Chief Keef’s baby mama who looks like a llama.

She also hung out with human piece of shit Tekashi 6ix9ine during his beef with Keef, but he didn’t ask her to poop on him because he only likes to be pooped on by middle school girls.

Odell is still pacing around his bathroom(didn’t wipe but you already knew that), wondering why, out of all the women who he’d ask to poop for him, the one girl who comes forward is the one who looks and sounds like her shit would come out in the shape of a crack pipe. If we find out that Kylie Jenner or Emily Ratajkowski is shitting on Odell this is a completely different story, it might even normalize poop play in the bedroom(god I hope so). I mean if that was the story the headline wouldn’t even mention Odell, it would literally read “Hot Girls…Poop?!?! Kylie and Emrata shit all over NFL Wide Outs Chest!”

I think that might be Odell’s only play now. Leak that A list celebrities have been shitting on him for years now. That’s just what he’s into and we certainly don’t kink shame around here. But if you could flip the script from “I got shit on by Chief Keef’s Baby Llama” to “I got shit on by both of the Hadid sisters while Kendall Jenner filmed it”, then people go from making jokes to being jealous of you. Even guys who aren’t turned on by women dropping dookies on their nipples will be jealous of Odell if he leaks that story. I know these poop matters can get a little messy, especially once someone starts leaking shit out of their ass information , but the only way for Odell to stop the anal bleeding of this story is to throw big names under the bus, forcing the social media shitstorm to cum down onto their chest rather than his.

I tried to get through this blog without recycling any of the jokes used on Twitter this morning so here are a couple more I came up with on my own.

What’s Odell Beckham Jr’s favorite type of fruit?

Dingleberries.

When Odell sends a “U Up?” text he adds the poop emoji at the end.

Odell out here getting shit on by a llama? Who is he? Yzma from Emperor’s New Groove?

Are these jokes that funny? No. But they are original. They’re fresh. Fresher than a soft serve turd on Odell Beckham Jr.’s belly button on a Saturday evening.