A blog by Conallismyname

I don’t like people who write blogs. I think they are self centered, diluted, and so up their own Macbook Pro ass that it makes me sick just thinking about reading/writing blogs. The people who I think of when the word “blog” is said are guys who spent a couple nights in Philiy and feel like it was such an insane experience that everybody in the world needs to know about all the drunk interactions with hobos they had by writing a fucking paper and shoving links of it in an instagram story for the next 6 months. This will be his life until he starts working at his dad’s marketing firm and “leaves that life behind.” The blogs done by women are worse. One trip to the Caribbean with your daddy’s credit card has now made you realize so much about yourself, all those sick children, and how you can totally start wearing more than 3 inches of makeup on a Tuesday just to make that guy from Macro notice you. These women are now ready to change the world by dropping out of college and living at home for 2 years while they purposefully debate which charity to dedicate their “life’s work” to and coast off of the unemployment checks by calling themselves a blogger.

That’s who I thought wrote blogs… A bunch of drunk frat bros bragging about the amount of white claws they can throw back or self righteous women trying to prove a point on the internet. I now know that, in 2020, blogs are actually a good medium for people who don’t want to see a bunch of images forced down their throats when they unlock their phones or a constant stream of stimuli that can’t be avoided because of all the other people in their lives trying to look better than they actually are… they would actually prefer to read something honest. This is where I come in.

I am not a smart person. I failed basic algebra my freshman year. I didn’t know that women produced milk only when they were pregnant until recently. I majored in psychology, which is just as easy as you think it is. But, I like people being honest. Social media is not honest, it’s a trap. It’s a never ending cycle of digital dopamine and touchscreen trauma because you want your friends to look and feel good… but you secretly want to look and feel better. Social media has tainted the idea of a “normal person.” Every single person you see on social media has to be the greatest fucking thing to ever walk the earth. Everyone thinks of themselves as a FIGURE, someone who can change the world just by a photo of them at a beach with their arm around a friend with the caption “this one.” We all want to be God and social media has given us that power, but with great power comes a predictable Spiderman quote. This means everyone is actually sad all the time. I really have no smart takes or witty comparisons left because, like I said, I’m not a smart person. Blogs are stupid because I am stupid.