Chicks will dig you. Boys will hate you. Men will want to do business with you. Fellow alphas will wanna grab a beer with you. Be sure to follow all these steps to becoming the ultimate alpha male. It’s not as hard as the movies make it to be, son.

1. Ordering your steak rare
2. Drinking eggs for a post workout shake
3. Looking girls in the eyes and winking while finishing a set at the gym
4. Not giving a fuck
5. Spending hours in the gym and never being satisfied
6. Self-reflecting/thinking about how to be better
7. But also not giving a fuck
8. Always making mom proud
9. Helping parents move furniture: “I got this Mom, don’t worry, just sit down and relax.”
10. Praying before bedtime
11. Coming home from the gas station
12. Crying when the baby is born
13. Cracking open a cold one and not getting carried away
14. Not updating your social media for years
15. Having a 1000 day+ snapchat streak with every chick in your contacts
16. Ending every text with a period
17. Saying “Sup buddy” to any other alpha willing to approach you
18. Respecting others’ leftovers in the fridge and then eating them when you’re hammered
19. Maxing out chest every day at the gym
20. Doing your homework 10 minutes before class
21. Staying after class to hit on your teacher
22. Letting the dishes dry themselves
23. Avoiding the word “Cute” “Nice” or any sentence similar to “I agree, you’re right”
24. Learning how to drive stick shift first
25. Buying someone else’s team back in Warzone
26. Making yourself available only one day out of every week or saying “Let me get back to you after I check my schedule/itinerary, thanks, buddy.”
27. Not talking shit, especially about your ex
28. Having dirty hands after a long day’s work
29. Not wearing a mask in the car
30. Avoiding Tik Toks like COVID-19
31. Sparking Black & Milds with your buddy after a long shift at work
32. Carrying all the groceries in one trip
33. Avoiding brands such as: Supreme, Affliction, Gucci
34. Leaving everyone on read except your Mom
35. Playing hard to get with your buddy’s Mom
36. Wearing polyester polos at the gym to save enough cotton for everyone else who needs a gym shirt at TJ Max/ (putting others before yourself!!)
37. Not showering for a few days because you’re a fucking alpha and forgot to
38. Listening to OG 2008 playlists you still have on your iPod 6^th Generation Classic
39. Walking slow/taking your time/not giving an absolute fuck
40. Knowing your way around a grill/not being a pussy at cooking
41. Working hard but hitting the gym harder
42. Going to war/coming home from war
43. Getting your hair cut “high and tight”
44. Wearing the same Levi’s and flannel every day
45. Eating MREs 3 times a day even after you’re home from war
46. Always staying cool, calm, collected, never flustered, always busting people’s balls and staying on top of the conversation
47. Avoiding any sort of piercings
48. Getting a cross tattoo/saying Nickelback is still underrated
49. Listening, letting others speak first, keeping your word
50. Staying cool during games and stressful situations
51. Shaking hands firmly/looking people in the eyes, especially when their zipper is down
52. Putting your napkin on your lap then letting it drop on the floor and get dirty cause you don’t give a fuck
53. “Big boy’s gotta big day tomorrow – let’s call it a night”/Going to bed at 9 PM/waking up at 5 AM
54. Keeping your head down in the men’s locker room
55. Always taking the last stall/urinal
56. Never loosing sleep over shit that’s happened
57. “Take a hike, pal.”
58. “Great toss, buddy.”
59. Caring about how the yard looks rather than how your hair looks
60. “Sorry bro can’t hang, I’m catching a pump.”
61. “Sorry baby, I’m already married to the gains.”
62. Wearing croakies at every family event
63. Slicing your banana in pieces before eating it 
64. Listening to Led Zeppelin, System of a Down, or some Kenny Chesney here and there  
65. Respecting waitresses but also leaving larger tips for the cuter ones
66. Representing yourself in a lawsuit
67. Avoiding using your turn signal unless there’s a cop nearby
68. Speeding in residential areas/not stopping for animals crossing
69. Icing your fraternity brothers in the library or gym
70. Jaywalking and inching your way into the street when cars are zooming by/just not giving two fucks
71. Smoking cigars slowly
72. Always playing the black tees on any golf course  
73. Paying for your red Jeep Wrangler in cash
74. Walking instead of driving/parking far to have a better parking spot away from other cars
75. “Hot coffee, black, no cream” 
76. Always offering to catch the spider or get rid of bugs in the house 
77. Going back for 4ths at Thanksgiving/taking more food than you can eat
78. Marking your golf ball on the green with a beer cap
79. Peeing in the middle of the toilet instead of the side of the bowl to reduce noise (only betas do that)
80. Taking a racquettball to the eye/golfball to the crotch/soccer ball to the gut and playing on like the fucking alpha you are