Welcome to Week 10 of Mike’s Takes, the blog where I watch football games and tell you what you should be taking away from them.

Just like that, we’re back. I got a much needed break from football, but that time has come and gone. I watched a metric boat-load of games this weekend, and I can’t wait to bombard you all with my pigskin opinions. Y’all know the drill; let’s talk professional football.

Colts 34, Titans 17

Didn’t see this one coming. The Colts held the Titans scoreless in the second half and earned a coveted divisional victory. Derrick Henry had 70 rushing yards and a touchdown, which is containment by his standards. Ryan Tannehill struggled to move the offense without a consistent running game, and the Colts capitalized off of their incompetence. Get this, the Colts are 4-0 in games without a Philip Rivers interception. Yeah, you heard that right. The statistics say that the Indianapolis Colts are more likely to win games when they don’t make mistakes that prevent them from scoring points. It’s hard to believe, but you can check for yourself. This is the type of in-depth analysis that you can only find here at Mike’s Takes. If you were wondering, yes, this is a cry for help.

Browns 10, Texans 7

The Browns hosted the Texans in a complete mess of a game. The slugfest featured the low temperatures and blistering winds that make the city of Cleveland such a wonderful place for people to inhabit. These conditions prevented either team from throwing the ball with any intensity, so this contest came down to which squad could run the rock more efficiently. Believe it or not, the team boasting Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt won that battle. Chubb made headlines when he selflessly stepped out of bounds instead of scoring a touchdown in the game’s final minute so his team could run out the clock and seal the victory. As much as I love seeing him put the team first, my fantasy team would have won much more comfortably if he was simply a worse teammate.

Lions 30, Washington 27

Down 24-3 with just over two minutes remaining in the third quarter, Alex Smith led the nameless squad from our nation’s capitol on a thrilling comeback. The Football Team managed to tie the score at 27 with 16 seconds remaining, and overtime seemed like a foregone conclusion. However, Chase Young decided to deliver a late hit on Matthew Stafford on an incomplete Hail Mary attempt. This put Detroit’s kicker, Matt Prater, in position to kick an absolute piss missile from 59 yards for the win. It was a valiant effort from Washington, but if anyone can take a game-winning cheap shot, it’s Stafford.

Packers 24, Jaguars 20

Okay, how on earth was this game close? Green Bay is supposed to be one of the powerhouses of the mighty NFC, and Jacksonville is actively tanking. Maybe the Packers got caught being unprepared? That’s the only logical explanation I can think of. You can say they’re overrated, because they are, but this just doesn’t happen to teams with Aaron Rodgers under center very often.

Giants 27, Eagles 17

I feel like I have a different opinion about this division every week. This is my strongest belief yet: the New York Football Giants are the best team in the NFC East. Does that mean that they’re winning the division? Absolutely. Mark it down. The Giants will represent the East in January, touting a 6-10 record. There’s no way in hell that they win a game in the playoffs. But they can sleep at night, knowing that they’re the undisputed worst team to ever appear in the postseason.

Buccaneers 46, Panthers 23

After taking a beating to the tune of 35 points last week, the Buccaneers were out for vengeance. They faced a much less frightening division foe in the Carolina Panthers. The score was locked at 17 at halftime, but that was as close as this game would get. Tampa outscored Carolina 29-6 in the second half, highlighted by a 98-yard touchdown run by Ronald Jones. The Panthers have now lost five straight, and at 3-7, it may be time to chalk this up as a rebuilding season.

Raiders 37, Broncos 12

Scoragami alert. That was about the only exciting part of this one. Josh Jacobs and former Bronco Devontae Booker combined for four touchdowns, and Drew Lock threw four interceptions. After this game, I think it’s finally time to admit that Drew Lock is not the answer in Denver. He seems like a great dude, but you can’t tell me you’d rather stick with a turnover machine that can rap Young Jeezy than take one of the talented youngsters in this year’s draft.

Cardinals 32, Bills 30

Four words: Game. Of. The. Year. I know y’all have already seen what transpired in this shootout’s closing moments, but this is my blog and I deserve the right to relive it. After going down 23-9 in the third quarter, Kyler Murray scored a pair of touchdowns to bring the Cardinals back into the game. However, a rare drop from Larry Fitzgerald led to an interception, and Josh Allen connected with Stefon Diggs to give the Bills a late lead. With 11 seconds left, the Cardinals were 43 yards away from the endzone and needed a miracle. While falling backwards, Kyler Murray delivered an absolute missile into the endzone and a sea of Bills defenders. DeAndre Hopkins rose above the crowd and secured the pass for the game-winning score. Fireworks. Kyler Murray has emerged as a serious MVP candidate, and the Cardinals now lead the competitive NFC West.

Dolphins 29, Chargers 21

In a battle of rookie quarterbacks, the fifth overall pick defeated the sixth overall pick. Justin Herbert continues to show his potential, despite losing. Tua Tagovailoa, on the other hand, is undefeated as a starter. In the press conference, he had the courage to admit that he does, in fact, have fun winning. I’m sure this confession shocked the sports world. It’s not usual that an athlete is willing to face the media and come clean about enjoying success. Very cool.

Rams 23, Seahawks 16

What an ugly game for the Seahawks. The “Let Russ Cook” chants aren’t as loud as they used to be after a performance like this. He turned the ball over three times, including the most bizzare interception I have ever seen him throw. The Seahawks were in scoring range, 2nd and 5. The pocket collapses and Russell steps up. He has a lane the size of a suburban backyard and can easily scramble for the first down. Instead, he lobs one up across his body that is easily intercepted in the endzone. Baffling mistake from one of the smartest guys in the league. Oh yeah, and Jared Goff looked pretty good I guess.

Saints 27, 49ers 13

No surprise here. After trailing 10-0 early on, the Saints pulled it together and rallied behind a three touchdown performance from Alvin Kamara. However, that wasn’t the biggest storyline of the day. Drew Brees got completely leveled by Kentavius Street in the second quarter and was clearly in pain. It was later revealed that he suffered multiple broken ribs and a punctured lung. Yikes. It’s looking like he’ll be sidelined for at least the next month. The Saints have a fairly light schedule to finish up the season (excluding Kansas City in Week 16), so we’ll get to see if Famous Jameis can finally cut back on the turnovers and prove himself as a starting-caliber quarterback. Can’t wait.

Steelers 36, Bengals 10

After last week’s embarrassingly close call against the Cowboys, the Steelers needed to make a statement against Cincinnati. Ben Roethlisberger put up four touchdowns, and Pittsburgh moved to 9-0 without much of a struggle. Don’t let their undefeated status fool you, the Steelers have their issues. It’s no secret that Big Ben is getting up there in age, and he doesn’t look very comfortable out there. Their defense is good, but their offense can go long stretches without making much noise. Don’t get me wrong; they’re a good team, but I could see them getting boat-raced by a team like Kansas City or Buffalo in January.

Patriots 23, Ravens 17

Remember when I said the weather was bad in Cleveland? Well, Foxborough decided to take it to a whole nother level. This game featured uncontrollable wind and pouring rain. These conditions led to dropped passes, fumbled snaps, and several other errors. Lamar Jackson failed to move the ball down the field consistently, which is becoming a recurring theme this season. As concerning as Baltimore’s offense has been, I wouldn’t expect anyone to move down the field efficiently in such a messy environment. They get a pass from me, but they’re now three games behind the Steelers in the division. It’s looking like they’ll be on the road in the playoffs. I’m not ready to chalk this down as a Madden Curse season just yet, but Lamar clearly hasn’t been the same unstoppable force that we saw in 2019.

Vikings 19, Bears 13

After only ten tries, Kirk Cousins has won a Monday Night Football game. It’s crazy that it took him this long, but it would’ve been even crazier if he found a way to lose to this pathetic Bears squad. After starting the season 5-1, Chicago has lost four straight games. Their offense is unwatchable. The only touchdown they scored was on a Cordarrelle Patterson kickoff return. I think cleaning house is their only option at this point, because I’d be really surprised if they finish anywhere near the playoffs.

WEEK 10 AWARDS

Plug of the Week: Cole Beasley (11 receptions, 109 yards, 1 touchdown)

Slug of the Week: Michael Thomas (2 receptions, 27 yards)

WEEK 11 GAME TO WATCH: Rams vs Buccaneers, Monday, 7:15, ESPN