It’s International Dog Day. This means more Instagram pictures of dogs I don’t give a shit about than usual. Why do you do this? Why do you think anyone gives a shit about your shit-eating dog that doesn’t know the difference between you and a trashcan? Is your dog special? Did you save your dog? Or did it save you? Let’s stop this clear grab for attention and admit that your personality is so shit, that you have to resort to photos of your dog as a way to prove you matter. I swear some of these posts are just a video of people walking their dog… that’s what you are choosing to share with the world. Give me some pageantry. Make it do a flip or eat peanut butter off your balls, something I can enjoy watching. Is it really just for attention? Are you trying to make the dogless people of the world feel bad? To them, Its the equivalency of one of those “influencers” posting a photo next to a Porsche that their parents bought. Do you like being that person? It’s the equivalency of seeing your ex post a photo with their new slut.

My issue with International Dog Day isn’t the dogs, it’s the people. What kind of loser posts a picture of their dog just because other people are doing it? Don’t you think your dog is special? So why involve them in this mass posting of other dogs that aren’t yours? Wouldn’t you want your dog to be the star of the show? You self centered douche. Your sheep. You flock to whatever everyone else is doing. Every day is International “something” Day now. Why? I’m perfectly fine enjoying the things I enjoy on my own time. I don’t need Instagram to remind me that pancakes still exist. Who is that guy? That one stupid fuck that sees International Dog Day and goes “oh shit! That’s insane. I totally forgot about dogs. Thank god photos on Instagram remind of things that still exist, otherwise, I would forget.”

I have a dog and I would never subject her to this hell of trying-to-get-attention-by-using-a-living-thing bullshit. Your dog is just as stupid and boring as every other dog in the world. Just because it looks cute in your sorority t-shirt or hasn’t bitten anyone in a week doesn’t mean you have to worship it like a surprise Dua Lipa album. Respect your dog. Do you think if your dog knew that you were using it as a ploy to get likes it would want that? NO, it’s still mad at you for yelling when it pees on your green rug that, in its mind, looks like grass. Or, I don’t know, maybe it’s still mad at you for sewing up its fucking vagina and keeping it in a cage every night. Leave your dog alone. Let it live its flea ridden life in peace without the burden of having to wear a costume every time you are bored during quarantine or insecure about your place in a friend group.