I’m defeated. It’s not the election or the fact that my college experience is essentially Jordan on the Wizards; it’s you guys. After I’m done watching Brandi Love go above and beyond to be a supportive Step-Mom, my day of going through TFM’s submissions begins. Before I even brush my teeth, I’ve already had to watch fifteen videos from high-school sophomores shotgunning Whiteclaws, sixty videos of kids yakking, and an excess of Tinder conversations so un-funny that Chanel West Coast wouldn’t even crack a smirk. Thousands of submissions a day, and I’m here to bring you the worst of the worst. Without further ado, what has made me want to bleach my motherfucking eyeballs this past week.

“Y’all posting nerds now?“

???? I don’t even know what to say man. Maybe don’t come at us for posting kids playing beer die if your in your late twenties and posting a puppy-filter selfie on your Instagram. If the average Kappa Sig can drink as many beers as you have likes on a photo, nobody can take you seriously.

Happy Valentines Day!

Lonely on Valentines Day ladies? How about setting your sites on the “twinkling eyes” and “ravishing smiles” of the Bernie bros over at IXP? Part of me was thinking that these guys were just being satirical, but no…it’s actually just this bad. I just know that the dude in the dog cage puts his pronouns at the end of his emails. Seriously guys? This is what happens when middle school bullying is the front and center of national conversation. If I didn’t have a kid on my bus make me want to fucking die for wearing fuzzy crocs and khakis, I have no idea where I would be today.

FRAT AS FUCK HELL FUCKING YEAH

“Dude how fucking college would it be if I posted up with like..I don’t know…six energy drinks and a natty ice pretending to be passed out?”

“TFM would love that shit dude. The beer would let them know that like…we drink…even during finals season. No such thing as studying dude, pounding brewskis with the boys is frat as fuck”

FOH

NYU Professor Compares Voting To 9/11

The heroes on flight 93 saved countless lives on 9/11…but many of them were white and would’ve probably had problematic tweets if they were alive today. Shoutout to this guy. Absolutely WILD take to compare his vote for Joe Biden to the vote of the hostages on flight 93. I guess that makes Donald Trump Al-Queda in this scenario??? Way to go champ, golf-clap for you proving that you aren’t racist!

Do Better SAE

Putting me in a tough spot here. The philanthropy is great, but did we really have to do this? How about a skit or something?

Damn I’m Dead Skull Emoji Skull Emoji Skull Emoji

DAMN! BOOM ROASTED! Get it…vaginas guys. Classic. You actually think that girls aren’t going to want to have sex with this guy after that pickup line? My mans’ is Adebayo in the post with these moves.

‘Til Next Week

birdlaw@tfmmediagroup.com for submissions